A short time ago I was challenged to identify what was most important in my life, and without hesitation I identified my faith in God through Jesus Christ as foremost. And I just thought that if you ever wondered about what I believe, then keep reading on!

I grew up Catholic learning plenty of intellectual knowledge about the attributes of God, but never quite understanding what it meant to really know God personally. In reality, I had a very abstract handle about the existence of God and how He interacted with me in my life, if at all. I grew up believing that "religion" could be compartmentalized in my life - I could take whatever religious beliefs I had and believe them at times, but could also "put God on a shelf" when I did not want to deal with it.

I do remember as a kid that I always had some kind of spiritual curiosity and interest in the ways of God. Yet I usually treated God and prayer like a lucky charm. Whenever I had a problem and I was really desperate, I would turn to this higher being and ask for help. But once I got what I wanted, I would abandon my sudden devotion to God and communicate spiritually, "Thanks God, but I don’t need you anymore."

Teenage Turmoil

Well, when I moved towards my teenage and college years, my life seemed to be increasingly difficult. I felt so depressed and lonely. I felt awkward about myself in social situations and never felt like I quite fit in with peers. Additionally, I felt awfully inferior with my looks. I had pimples all over my face, was 6 foot 1 and about 145 pounds! I was that skinny – I was a rail!

Today I have concluded that I could have chosen a better attitude during those tumultuous years, and much of my anguish was of my own choosing. Nonetheless, those were the worst years of my life. I remember being so frustrated and angry about the loneliness I was feeling. I remember waving my fists at God in anger over my situations. I blamed God for everything that I did not like in my life, and decided that I was better off just living my life that way I wanted. The heck with God, I'm doing it my way, I thought.

Things in college did not get any better. My empty soul was obviously searching for meaning and purpose. I was thirsting for something that my heart could cling to that would be of substance.

During my freshman year, I joined a fraternity where the custom was getting drunk all the time and smoking pot. During my freshman year at Wagner College, my GPA was a miniscule 1.6. That is a D+ average. Obviously my lifestyle of partying demonstrably showed the futility in my efforts. In retrospect, I can see now how God was calling, patiently awaiting me to turn to Him, but I stubbornly refused. I still wanted to live my life my way.

New Age Stuff

As I said, I had always been interested in spirituality. Yet I was not interested in seeking spirituality through traditional religious means - all I saw in that option was conforming my life to a moral standard, a definite "no" for me. So when I was 19-years-old, I began to explore New Age and eastern philosophies and experimented with some of its practices.

For a season, I was very dedicated in meditating daily with my personalized crystals. I believed the crystals were in a sense, a source of energy as I held them in the palm of my hand. I was also seeing a personal psychic who undoubtedly correctly discerned future events in my life. In many ways, my meditating and visualization techniques were similar to traditional prayer, except I was doing it without God. I could and did make results happen by using a spiritual power without having anything to do with God or submitting my life to Him. It was an attractive alternative.

I recall an instance when my psychic advised me to read the Bible, and I angrily rejected her suggestion and said I wanted to have nothing to do with God. I continued in my spiritual endeavors of meditation and "running energy," but in the end, it was very clear to me that there was still a void in my heart. Something was missing. Little did I realize at the time that God already commands us, for our own benefit, to avoid seeking mediums, practicing divination, sorcery, spirit-seeking behavior, etc. in Deuteronomy 18 in the Bible. Scripture shows true spirituality only comes from seeking the one true living God. Patiently, He continued calling me.

Saying "Yes" to the Love of Jesus Christ

Finally, one day I decided to go to a different church from my upbringing – a Dutch Reformed Church that taught from the Bible. At first, I was merely interested in attending a service to view the interior of the 200-year-old, colonial style sanctuary.

Quickly I realized there was a message being preached in that church that had real "spiritual meat" to it. The teacher taught about how we can really know God personally, how to seek Him and what it means to have a real relationship with Jesus Christ. Despite my Catholic upbringing, it was the very first time that I had ever heard the plan of salvation that God has arranged for us. Because of the sin in all of us, we can not be in God’s presence because of His perfect holiness. Yet God, in His amazing love, sent His Son Jesus Christ, who lived on this earth as a human being and led a perfect, sinless life. Although Jesus was God, he did not come to earth to be king, but instead did the unthinkable: he allowed himself to be tortured by Roman authorities and died a hideous death on a wooden stake ... Jesus physically rose from his grave and is still alive today as God's son. Jesus acts today as a mediator between God and humankind. Only through Him can we have a relationship with God.

John 3:16-18 reads, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son."

In June 1992, I no longer resisted God’s tugging on my heart. I acknowledged and asked for forgiveness of my sins, declared Jesus Christ as Lord of my life and said "yes" to all of the love God has for me. It was the greatest decision I have ever made in my life! Yeeha!

It has been almost nine years since I gave my life over to God and I have no regrets. No matter what is happening, I have a peace and assurance inside of me that reminds me of my destiny in eternity. Regardless of my circumstances, I am going to be attending the "Big Dance" in heaven forever, and amazingly, it is a free gift to accept. There is no way to earn it. I simply received the most precious gift that God has for all people who turn to Him.

Worldly philosophies may promote goodness in society, but in the end it is only through Jesus Christ that we will enjoy the eternal presence of God after we die. He is the one and only true living God of the universe. Jesus, speaking of himself in John 14:6 states, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

Some people have told me that they could not imagine my life before I was a Christian, which I receive as a compliment. However, I will never forget the emptiness, hopelessness and misery that I carried around in my soul. There is no doubt that I am a new creation. God has transformed my life…YEEHA! 2 Corinthians 5:17 reads, "Therefore whoever is in Christ is a new creation. The old is gone; the new has come."

Just remember that you can receive the same gift that God has given me. Be encouraged!