NOTE FROM STEVE: This year I had British journalist Nick Hughes (of the "Roving Eye" team) ask the questions to the Hair Consultant candidates. Um, Nick is a "little out there" so to speak. -Steve

Hello, tonight on "The Roving eye" we're putting a list of questions to all the candidates and that includes you, Chris, that urgently need answering! And now, fetch the heralds, bring forth the list of questions held aloft on a silver platter and carried by the traditional gundies! - Nick Hughes, the British Roving Eye Team.

1) If you win the election, what will be in your inaugural speech?

Sarah: If I win, I will thank all my faithful supporters, family, and wonderful dog for supporting me. I will also outline my plans for your hair at that point.

Dave: I will commit myself to the requirements stated for the Hair Consultant position. Will also thank and commend the other HC candidates for their heroic, but futile efforts in becoming an HC.

Florida Pete: Probably some spaghetti sauce stains from last night's dinner as I'll hastily prepare my speech the same night I am elected. I might watch the movie Patton too so I can add some important sounding things to it as well.

NOTE: Chris Teipel did not provide answers for this questionnaire.

2) How will you handle Steve calling you at all hours of the day and night wanting advice on hair, women, money, website details and how annoying Jimmy Carter is?

Sarah: I will handle your calls like I would anybody else's, listen to you talk and give you my best advice, regardless of whether or not its what you want to hear.

Dave: I am not the least bothered by phone calls from Steve at all hours of the day. I function well at odd hours, so this issue is not a problem. And i love to chat about practically anything.

Florida Pete: I'm only good for the hair and "annoying Jimmy Carter" portion of his calls, all other variables will be deferred to those better equipped to handle the questions i.e. Kansas Kelly.

3) What is the worst thing you can think of that will get in the way of your job as Hair Consultant?

Sarah: Bad Press. *Cough!*

Dave: Well, if Angel Pete or Chris form a coup, and attempt take my postion away. Maybe one more hospital stay, but that should'nt be more than a few days. They have phones next to hospital beds.

Florida Pete: A terrorist plot to put super glue in Steve's shampoo bottle.

4) How will you deal with the unexpected LIKE IF I STARTED THROWING KNIVES AT YOU AT THE CG FESTIVAL WITH NO APPARENT WARNING OR PROVOCATION?

Sarah: I would tackle Nick from behind and make him drop the knives, then I would take care of anybody who was injured by him, seeing as I will be EMT certified (or close to it)

Dave: There is NO provocation at a CG Festival. It's all fun, food and good company. Anyone isn't comfortable with the arrangement or situation can kindly exit the premises,and possibly return if there are no hard feelings.

Florida Pete: Knife throwing would be uncalled for. Once again I'd delegate someone better equipped to stabilize someone on the cusp of sanity i.e Kansas Kelly. I'm accountable for Steve's hair problems only.

5) Explain the offside rule.

Sarah: The offside rule means that when it rains on a pointy roof it runs off the side. It has nothing to do with hair.

Dave: I'm not familiar with the "offside rule". However, in football you simply get a few yards of penalty to deal with. Hmmm...

Florida Pete: Defensive linemen encroaching or breaking the scrimmage line before the ball is put into play on the call of the offense's quarterback.

6) Do you like Star Trek?

Sarah: I do not like Star Trek. They did not take care of their hair very well, and the Captain of the ship didn't even have hair!

Dave: Star Trek, YES!!! I'm a confirmed Trekkie,ever since watching the Original Series as a kid. Also the Next Generation, Deep Space Nine and Voyager are all good viewing.

Florida Pete: The original series only. It's more about nostalgia for me then being a complete sci-fi geek with a runny nose and no shot at a girlfriend.

7) What's the most radical thing you could do for/to Steve's hair?

Sarah: The most radical thing I could do for Steve's hair would be to make it grow long and beautiful, which I fully intend on doing.

Dave: Due to the present length of Steve's hair, there are several opportunities of styles and treatments that could be implemented to the long curls. But of course, serious tactical decisions would have to be made before even attempting to alter even one strand of hair. I would be more at listening to Steve's suggestions and expanding it to a discussion, rather than blurting out an idea and hoping he thinks it's a good choice. Long hair doesn't need lots of design, only good intake of nutrients, grooming and cutting split-ends to maintain growth.

Florida Pete: Have Steve grow facial hair.

8) Forget his hair, what's the most radical thing you could do for/to Steve?

Sarah: We'll see what that is when the time comes.

Dave: Dress Steve up as a Saguaro Cactus for Halloween. With all the spines, no one could ever touch or harass him!

Florida Pete: Find a girl who is truly interested in Steve because of his new facial hair growth.

9) Are you prepared to slap Steve if the need arises?

Sarah: You're darn straight I'd slap Steve if I needed to. What of it?

Dave: Possibly. Slapping Steve with something on the safe side would consist of something like a fleece glove or a burrito. The after-slap remnants of the burrito would still be beneficial for Steve's hair due to the valuable protein it contains.

Florida Pete: No. Once again I delegate, this is when Kevin The Human gets a phone call and he'll contact his cousin Guido who works the Chicago's south side. It gets "handled" if you know what I mean, capiche?

10) Do you have a contingency plan for when you get fired?

Sarah: I'm not going to be fired, so no, there is no contingency plan.

Dave: Besides crying and kicking down a door, just take it with my head high, and my chin up.

Florida Pete: Yes. They're holding that fry cook position at McDonald's for me just in case.